FORTY TO 40
Forty to 40 is a Blog & Podcast Hybrid Project looking back, living in the now and pondering on the future as Raymond Nurse turns 40. Each blog or podcast episode will feature topics beginning with ‘F’ such as ‘Foundation’, ‘Family’, ‘Financials’ and ‘Frenemies’ and much much more.
03/40 - Fundamental
So I did a thing. I recorded my first podcast episode last week. It was pretty nerveracking if I’m keeping it one hundred. Cheers Ashley for helping me get through the first one. I’m a full pro now… Too soon eh? ‘Fortitude’ felt like a great place to head after establishing the ‘Framework’. This week I’m focusing on ‘Fundamental’ not to be fully confused with ’The Big Fundamental’ aka Tim Duncan. All-star weekend just went so mad props to the most known, to me at least, NBA superstar from the Caribbean. He’s definitely one of St. Croix’ finest. He went about his career in a low-key, laid back way that might keep him off many NBA Mount Rushmore’s but his achievements, consistency and talent stood the test of time. Respect Sire. To close off ‘First Five’, I’m flexing on y’all taking in some snow and bills… just slightly. I have the distinct pleasure of writing ‘Fundamental’ from my island home; Barbados.
Alright, my ‘Fundamental’.
No real definition here but when I see this word I think core, default, the sauce. At your core, who are you and what do you represent? The Core is a top Sci-fi movie from another time. I remember watching it and proudly thinking up the Physics implemented to solve the big issue at the core of the earth during this film. At my core, who am I and what do I represent? Another thought that popped up while thinking about fundamental is, does it matter how I am received or what I do represent? I thought it does not matter as much how I am received since what is received when we put ourselves out there into the world is not necessarily what we put out. This is not any excuse to produce anything short of quality nor does it absolve me in any way if not received in the way I intended it.
Who am I?
I also asked this question in ‘Framework’ and gave a very basic response. I am the only son of two Barbadian people. My core is a blend of these two and those around me. My fundamentals are definitely grounded in a traditional Christian Caribbean upbringing. A lot of my fondest childhood memories are rooted in the Church and the religion of Christianity. Fundamentally, I also benefitted from growing up in the less financially well-off parts of the island. What we lacked in economic terms, we more than made up in a lot of the intangibles that are at my core, and to an extension at the core of all of us despite us sometimes moving away from this default. I am one of the biggest cheerleaders of Barbados but a key part of my fundamental is objectivity. Even though I love my rock, I will be one of the first to highlight what can be done better and improved upon. That sense of justice has made me lose many a person in my life and gain many, many more and we continue on.
One of those things that is always done in Barbados are statements of the joy that those who are closest to you must feel when you get home on a holiday. I try to follow it up with exclamations of how overjoyed I am to be at home and around those closest to me. One of my fundamentals is a generosity that is shared by many on the island. We will give you the shirts off our backs… but… we will mumble and grumble and let you know that we ain’t bout that life sometimes as we do it lol.
Being raised in the Methodist church was amazing. We had youth exchange Sundays where you would interact with other children from different Methodist churches across the island. My belief system was forged through these times. As time went by, I ‘grew’ out of attending church every Sunday and that and many more changes informed my fundamental. You learn the 10 commandments and try your best to live like your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Slip-ups are allowed once you grow away from doing them time and time again. One of the 10 commandments was pretty straight forward, ‘Thou shalt not steal’. 7 or 8 year old Raymond was still in the process of learning this commandment when he went down to a bread-shop in the area where he grew up. Let me tell you, the man that ran the bread-shop was not a fave in the community - I hope he doesn’t read this. I was having a lime - one of the Caribbean’s many ways to say a hangout - with some of my Primary schoolmates so there’s plenty to prove about how cool you are among the guys. I get to the bread-shop and order whatever items I was sent to get… I now type the bread-shop man name lol. He gave me back too much change from these items I was sent to purchase so I had gotten a one up on him and wanted the boys to know about it.
I wish one of my fundamentals was being able to take things to my grave but to this day, it is not.I was there telling the young fellas how I one up the bread-shop man and Wendy Nurse, of all people, overheard the brag. She was on fire, first up was a scolding in front of the fellas where I had to put all the change I received together, tally the items I went to buy and do some quick maths to reconcile it all. The pressure was on and the young fellas enjoying it all now because we have a fixation as children with seeing others get in some kind of trouble. The embarrassment did not stop there, my Mumma drag me up - could have been literally - and took me right back to the bread-shop. The audit is complete and I now have to do the right thing in returning the stolen money and apologize to the lad running the bread-shop. All of this was done with my boys hanging around and cackling at my demise. I completed my mission and this moment stood out as one of countless that developed my fundamental further.
Shortly after that moment, I was down at Bethel Methodist Church for choir practice. I was a real songbird in my soprano days until my voice cracked and ended my career before it even got started so the youth groups had a collective choir where we connected after school in the week to prepare for performances. This one day, my further developed fundamental was put to the test. Across the street was a sweets shop and some of us would go over there, I went to purchase some candy - likely a lollipop - and with the long wait of these multiple transactions, I pocketed that bad boy but had other sweets to check out. We went back to practice and it was minutes later I realized I had stolen yet again although this time unknowingly. I ran back over to that shop faster than the wind to make the accounts right. Huffing and puffing and all the way apologetic, the store clerk was pretty understanding but that cemented my fundamental no longer included petty theft.
What do I represent? I hope I represent positive aspects of us. The negative is there for sure, Forty to 40 will get into some darker and tougher content. Though I cannot control how what I represent is received, I can only control how it is delivered. My life has gone along a path I never would have expected it to during those days when I was growing up in Barbados and apparently swiping items left, right and center lol.
My expectation versus my reality were quite different and that was never more apparent than a night I ended up at a nine-night - Jamaican version of a wake after a funeral. This nine-night moment stood out as one where I was representing my country of Barbados in Jamaica. It was around 2007 when an incident took place that resulted in the loss of a Jamaican life to a Barbadian/Jamaican lad. I saw a few of my Jamaican friends while walking through Mona Heights at the wake and stopped to hail them up. Some persons there, hearing my Bajan accent, came closer to me as I was realizing what the event in question was. I went from being happy to catch up with my friends to feeling somber for the loss of life and the devastation, the deceased loved ones must be feeling especially hearing a Bajan accent at the wake. A few persons asked me what was the mood about the incident in Barbados and what was Barbados saying. Finally, they wanted to know what I thought would happen next. In this moment, I learned I had to stay true to what I represent while being an ambassador of sorts for my nation while still being empathetic to those gathered to celebrate the life of the dearly departed.
I took some time to collect my thoughts and then I shared them.
‘I can’t speak for all of Barbados when I say what I think but I will share it.’ was how I opened on that day. ‘I think the way your loved one lost his life is senseless and crazy. I am truly sorry for that and I am sure most at home in Barbados would be feeling a similar sentiment. What comes next is not anything that I agree to, let me be clear on that, but it is just what is likely going to occur next. The father of the person that took your loved one’s life will organize to have his son moved from Jamaica to Barbados. It will be done sooner rather than later as the longer the chap stays in Jamaica and the truth comes to light, the more at risk of a vigilante moment of justice, he will be. The lad will be found not guilty of taking the life and will live out his days as if nothing happened.‘
I was told I must be crazy, there is no way that the father of this deceased would let things play out in that way and that justice will indeed be served. I reminded them that yes the father of the deceased was an important player in Jamaica but the other father involved was a more integral player in the region. It played out pretty much how I suspected it would go even though I articulated as best I could that I do not agree with how it will play out. To this day, I still don’t agree with how it all went but that instance taught me something important in life. For the most part, even if someone disagrees with you, there is no need to change your fundamental. That happened over a decade ago and still pierces sharp through my memory as if it were yesterday.
When marooned on an island, literal or figurative, in a difficult moment, what is your ‘Fundamental’? I’m happy to be able to say that many times in life I have stuck it out and stayed true to my ‘Fundamental’. I am sure that a few times I have faltered, no doubt. I can say for sure that I will continue on trying each day in many ways to stay on the straight and narrow while doing my best by me and others.
To all of you, cheers for listening and Stay Ever Blessed.
The next episode will be a podcast featuring me, Raymond Nurse and hosted by Ashley Long. We’ll link up real soon.