FORTY TO 40

Forty to 40 is a Blog & Podcast Hybrid Project looking back, living in the now and pondering on the future as Raymond Nurse turns 40. Each blog or podcast episode will feature topics beginning with ‘F’ such as ‘Foundation’, ‘Family’, ‘Financials’ and ‘Frenemies’ and much much more.

05/40 - Faith

Better late than never… For my ‘First Five’ I am happy to announce that I am a Godfather for the 2nd time. Lol I won’t get into how I was selected for the gig for either of them.

‘Boys rule, girls drool lol’. Shoutouts to Jay and Yan.

I thought that was a good opportunity for ‘First Five’ to speak about another great memory as part of the episode focused on gifts. Now I reside in America and I have turned into another version of the gift man, I thought of my own Goddady, Gerard. He had a sister I believe it was that lived over and away and I always got the coolest gifts for Christmas and my Birthday… in Easter of the year after them. It was the official close of the gift season since his sister was buying the items and traveling during the Easter holiday, I wouldn’t really get them before. This is a time before Amazon and dropshipping and all that other jazz. I guess I’m really showing my age huh

F.A.I.T.H

For All I Trust Him, Her or They.

For those who have not already exited this episode, there is a level of curiosity that exists within you that could easily be transferred into ‘Faith’. Curiosity in the sense that you should be open to leaning into something that is beyond your understanding. My faith was always there within me but definitely cultivated through the years at Dalkeith Methodist Church. The same curiosity that kept me devout for almost 2 decades of my life resulted in me eventually leaving the church in the traditional sense.

I got to my midteens and started to question many aspects in life and if I served the Most High, why are these aspects not better serving all persons and not a select few aka churchgoers.

What even is ‘Faith’? This one I went to the dictionary for since faith is a very personal hence sensitive little thing. The defintion I am reflecting on today is ‘a strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion:‘. For All I Trust Him, Her or They. If you really are still with me then you have faith in me that I will bring the reference full circle. I better not keep you hanging for much longer.

We live in a time where there are so many iterations of you, and as people, labels are thrown at you at a breakneck pace. Everything may not be fully understandable to you but if you grew up in a religion that teaches to ‘Love thy Neighbor as Thyself’ then why is it so difficult at times to replace curiousity with compassion and understanding?

We do not need to understand to empathize. We don’t necessarily need to put ourselves in the shoes of others to get the burden(s) they are having to carry. We can have faith and trust their load is enough to help lighten it if the opportunity presents itself.

I knew this would be one of the most difficult episodes to create since there is a thin line between one’s thoughts and preaching and the title already puts people on high alert. I’ll switch it up slightly.

The most vivid memory I have of my own faith coming into question was when I courted a Muslim lady in my teenage years. I was all the way in love with this amazing woman and all the way in love with my religion and my faith.

‘Why would God, Creator of everything, make this person that prays to a different prophet and has a heart of gold be riding on the high-speed rail all the way to damnation just because she does not pray to Him?

At this point, everything felt upside-down and I pondered on fellowship, my personal relationship with Him… I pondered on everything at all times. My curiosity that kept me fully faithful was now becoming the Trojan horse that would take me from organized religion.

Wendy, my Mumma if you skipped other episodes and are just tuning in, held firm and was a big reason why I probably did not depart sooner.

My fate was sealed and I am now a heathen to many and that’s okay. The second part of the definition of faith that I didn’t share in the opening is this, ‘based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof’ is the benefit of the doubt.

When I get to the pearly gates of heaven, I will look at the Big Man Upstairs… The Big Man at that point since we are both Upstairs now and I will reason with Him.

If the definition in totality read, ‘strong belief in God or on in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof:‘…

Am I good to enter in the banquet in the sky since my belief even when it has wavered is strong?

Am I good to enter since I practiced Your ways for a hot minute with the same curiosity that requires me to have faith albeit not blind faith is the same curiosity that took me away from You for a moment?

Will the benefit of the doubt be given to me now since I believed in You all my life ‘based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof’ come all the way back in my direction?

I hope that breakdown gets the Big Man Upstairs on my side and I get a bligh to ease right in. I actually picture him dropping an accent like Elephant man and telling me ‘Good to go’.

Life will test your beliefs every which way and when you think the tests are done, come back with revisions and new editions. It really is for the living and you never know what is going to be thrown at you next. A certain box of chocolates came to mind but only original source material here. I’m trying to stay on the literal ‘straight and narrow’.

‘Rather than proof’, about to preach again, bear with me. Regardless of what is the core belief system another person subscribes to. I like to think that the most beautiful, pure and compassionate parts of faith are the only parts that matter at the end of the day.

A big reason why I questioned my religion and how I was able to maintain my faith is the not nice parts. The parts that people try to revise history if the crux of an issue was steeped in something hateful, bitter and hurtful. The parts of the curiosity that ease into the darker parts of us as humans and are manifested in many atrocities we see playing out today.

Religion throughout the history of the world and right now with the atrocities seen in Palestine, the persecution of people who present as the ‘Other’ such as the L.G.B.T.Q.I.A (I hope I got it right, forgive me if I haven’t) are parts of Christianity that I could not subscribe to for my version of faith. If that is held against me on Judgement Day then that’s cool, I tried to live my life in a way that my faith erred towards the most beautiful, pure and compassionate parts of my religion.

When I was younger and I got exposed to the real history of my religion’s part in slavery and the subjugation of persons that look like me, I was in secondary school, I was very conflicted. I know many persons that grew up in the church went in a totally different direction as these truths were revealed. Once you learn certain truths, it is difficult to reconcile with them and unlearn them. I get why they walked away. Similarly, I get why I stayed. There is no right or wrong approach to faith. There are many wrong approaches to religion and as time passed I learned to separate the two and still maintain my belief system.

The preaching is done…

I cannot say what is in another person’s heart or head on any topic but I will continue to remain a believer in us and that we will strive to leave the dance with better moves and rhythm than we came and found out. Let your faith trend towards one that is more beautiful, pure and compassionate.

The next episode will be a podcast hosted by Ashley Long.

Cheers for listening and stay blessed.