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Forty to 40 is a Blog & Podcast Hybrid Project looking back, living in the now and pondering on the future as Raymond Nurse turns 40. Each blog or podcast episode will feature topics beginning with ‘F’ such as ‘Foundation’, ‘Family’, ‘Financials’ and ‘Frenemies’ and much much more.

11/40 - Fitness

For ‘First Five’ today as I reflected on the last episode. I had plenty more moments to mention but opted to stay on the straight and narrow. It took so much out of my being to not go H.A.M with ‘Fairness’. Ain’t even gonna lie to you. I knew going in that certain episodes of Forty to 40 would be super tough to meander through because there’s a level of navigation required to safely and successfully go through this world, especially this American world for someone that looks, talks and walks like me. I chose to continue to chart that course. I felt like I got through it all decently enough. The level of do as I say and not as I do in Babylon system has skyrockted since the Cooties and it continues to do so.

Know what else skyrocketed and continues to do so… My weight.

Fitness

Today we are focused on ‘Fitness’. This one was always going to be lighthearted coming after more heavy content like what went before in ‘Fairness’. Let’s get going. I am one of the most fit, unfit men you will ever come across in life. I say that since during the times I have used dating apps, my type tends to be of a vegan/vegetarian/pescatarian persuasion. I will gladly be the first to say that I eat meat, probably too much of it but I am super aware and self-conscious to know that at this point in my life, I should be a bit more selective about my sources of food.

Health truly is wealth and I can not stress that enough. In this arena, don’t be like me… Be better.

Being a regular boy is all I ever wanted to be growing up where fitness was concerned. We speak about privilege in life and one of my biggest privileges was just being able to play sports. Regardless of how easily my extremities cramped, any spots I might have seen in my vision and my daily chest pains, I was determined to hang with the best of them fairly during competitions. I was probably 7 or 8 when I was told by my Cardiologist that I would never be able to play sports. There was no desire to prove him wrong, there was just a desire to be a kid and I pretty much achieved my task.

Hockey and me or Hockey and I

My love for sports comes from my dad’s side of the family for the most part. Dad and his brother caught the field hockey bug while attending Combermere Secondary School and I did not know how hereditary this contagion was. Barbados Hockey Festival is involved in plenty of my childhood memories of my father. This was his time to shine and the most fun week during the year for us. I was and still am one of the second generation of hockey players across the island. I won’t try to name all the first generation parents but Ms. Nic, Uncle Harcourt, the Warners, Ms. Davis and many, many more became my adopted aunts and uncles. Their children were my best friends for a bit and some like Atherley continue to be some of my best friends to this day. While our parents were competing, we were left to our own devices.

We had multiple venues across the island to choose from too. Games played at Empire Sports Club, Weymouth, Barclays Park, and Wanderers Sports Club. A few more spots might have been utilized but by far my favorite of them all was Kensington Oval. I’m talking the old Kensington too. Kensington is a Mecca for the world of cricket and like all meccas, a glow up is needed from time to time. I want to say Cricket World Cup first came to the shores of the Caribbean in 2007 and there were major renovations done to the grounds. My hockey festival Kensington was beautiful. You had so many unrestricted areas but the press box was the most fun to run through. Rows of fixed, wooden countertops with old school telephones that a young kid would pick up from time to time and pretend to have the most intense conversation with someone imagined but ‘Fitness’… I definitely digressed.

These moments came to an abrupt end with his passing. I moved away from hockey because I made a vow at the time of his passing to not do any of the things that he did because I did not want to die young too. Hockey was one of those things on the list. I stopped playing, going to the festival and removed myself from that world until I got a sibling rivalry dare of sorts from my cousin Leslie. I played all the other sports that most kids on the islands would play. I dabbled with cricket, track and field, football (We don’t say the ‘S’ word here), basketball and even a racket sport or too. None ever felt right to me like hockey did. Les was keeping the family name alive in secondary school at Harrison College and one evening when I was around 13 or 14, I was watching her and some others play hockey. I told her how much crap they were and she asked if I could do better, I said certainly. After a half a decade hiatus, I was back. Some would debate if I am any good or not but out of a few things in life I will openly say I wholeheartedly love, hockey is one of them.

It allowed me a level of fitness that no other sport could provide outside of maybe swimming and I was not able to learn to swim because of my heart and potential life-ending infections that I could pick up in the pool. Leslie is no slouch at all there, she is one of the fittest people I knew growing up and continues to be one of the fittest people I know to this day. She is the side of ‘Fitness’ I could never aspire to be. The side that is committed to the craft and hones it in the respective ‘labs’. Leslie did the multiple traning sessions for extended periods of time in a week in the pool, on the track and in the gym. To this day, she is an inspiration to me as I just wanted to turn up and play. That was sufficient. I was trying my best to skip every possible gym session, every leg day, none of that interested me. I just wanted to be on the field, and chasing balls.

If I knew I could not escape the contagion that was hockey, I would have just kept playing with the sky being the limit. I turned up to this closely-knit community after a half a decade absence keeping my lineage close to my chest for a few reasons. I did not want any nice treatment though going to a rival school to the ‘hockey’ school on the island probably ensured that nice treatment was off the table. I left it all on the field and eventually I could stay hidden no longer and my coaches, teammates and rivals found out I was Young Parker. Ms. Nicholls was probably one of my biggest campaigners to get the news out that a prodigal son had returned. As she fights her own fitness battle, hold her up in your prayers and wish her the very best. Hang in there Ms. Nic.

Setbacks do occur and I had plenty of them during my secondary school days. To compete at high levels while detesting working out comes with a penchance for injuries. I had boatloads of them during the height of my play. Muscle injuries to my groin, hamstrings and calves were the common ones. I did not even want to warmup, I just wanted to play the sport and would leave it all on the field each and every time. I had to do it all knowing but ignoring the fact that my deoxygenated blood was mixing up with my oxygenated blood through the septum of my heart and I probably pushed my body too much most times when I was playing. If doing all of that with a bad heart was not tough enough, toss in brek toes, technically a brek toe, just 1 but I brek it multiple times in secondary school. Football eh, I brek my toe at the ages of 12, 14, 16, 18. Every other year playing football and the first time I broke it, the doctor told me it would be susceptible to further fractures so I probably should stop playing football. As you can tell, I didn’t listen and subsequent fractures occurred. It is the true competitor that plays through the pain and all that nonsense you are brought up believing. Listen to your body, extend yourself some grace and heal up.

Health truly is wealth.

I had a little book where I used to write poems and random musings. It had a page where I documented my injuries over a school term or two and into the summer. I remember a healthy 14 to 17 things were listed from swollen shins through blows from the hockey stick to a burst head during a Barbados Junior Hockey exhibition match against the United States at the same hockey festival. We played them in a 3 part series I think it was. I missed the 1st game while going through physiotherapy for an injured hamstring and came back to pass the beep test and go straight back into the team at Left Back to then get my head burst.

Parker was a striker that had a way of chilling on the field but scoring at will while Young Parker was a decent defender that didn’t look the part but he was blessed with a 6’-2” wingspan and the desire to run until he can’t run anymore and keep running after that. At one point or the other, I played in every single position except Goalkeeper though I have played Kickerback when called upon to do so. One of my most fun times playing hockey was while I was at Utech in Jamaica for intercollegiate level. After surgery, I was told to stand in the dee which is the shooting area aka be a loafer and when the ball comes, score it. I envisioned my father’s goalscoring prowess was hereditary and man I was knocking in some bangers.

He was born on the 4th of May and I am writing portions of this blog on what would have been his 70th Birthday. Happy Heavenly 70th Parks.

Balance was restored after my surgery and I went back to fully resuming my defensive duties in all sports I played. Be a fierce competitor, leave it all on the field of play but run it in a fair and clean way is how sports should be and how they were to me.

Coaching would play a huge part in ‘Fitness’ for me. During some of my years floating around trying to figure life out professionally, I volunteered as a Technical Drawing teacher at Queen’s College Secondary School. I found out hockey was being taught there and I took over the whole program. It was fun to watch the development of the students especially the most determined ones in the group. My grad studies took me away from coaching them but that was one fun moment in my journey of fitness. I have coached hockey at all levels but 11 through 18 is my preferred age range to work with.

Fitness isn’t just physical but in totality, my present field hockey club provides all I need now physically, socially and even emotionally. Nothing in life is perfect though and my liver can attest to the fact that when I get together with the New York Islanders, it is not all fitness. I started interacting with them during their visits to Barbados for our Hockey Festival. After moving to America, the bond between the club members and myself strengthened and running in (read walking briskly with a form akin to running) the odd tournament throughout the year keeps my sanity and solace. The highlight of the tournaments I have gotten to run with NY Islanders is playing one year with the young team and winning the Atlanta Cup. Unfortunately, we had to meet the old boys of the NY Islanders in the semifinals on our way to glory. The following year, I was a last minute transfer to the old boys’ team and you guessed it. We met the young team in the semis and triumphed on our way to glory. I am him… I am a difference maker… I am the common denominator… I actually was a sub most of the tournament and it was pure coincidence but let me pompasette and revel slightly.

I lost my dad when he was just 38 while I was 8 years old. He was as fit as they come and still playing field hockey in August of the year when he passed away later that December. I made a conscious effort to try to undergo the necessary checks and balances. Outside of men doing the most and wilding out, we have ourselves to blame when it comes to the gender arena of longevity. A key reason why we live on average 5 years shorter than our partners is because we may be as fit as a fiddle externally but if we are not going for routine checks, we will look good 6 feet under with a 6-pack or an 8-pack. I was coming up to my dad’s death age and wanted more than anything to live and to live well. I try my best to be proactive and keep on top of things.

To all the fellas that listen to this, it really is better late than never. It’s good to be around.

The last frontier that is the one I have explored the least is that of mental fitness. I have a pretty decent head on my shoulders and I thank my village for helping me with that. I treat every day as another day to keep on keeping on and thinking about how I can be more fit across all areas of my life. The one that I have not done that with is therapy. I see the benefits that it all can bring to the dance but that is one bridge I have not crossed just yet. I already know how the sessions will go. I picture the room looking like the one you traditionally see in the movies.

I am on the couch telling someone about the different areas in life where I could and should have done better, I’m telling someone about the losses in family and friends that impacted me growing up and still impact me to this day, and all my doubts and trepidations en masse. I see myself BAWLING down the people place cause when I tell you, I stay crying loudest when I get going hear. I know it is an uncomfortable thing so hats off to anybody that ever try to comfort me when I was deep in my tears and deep in my feelings.

I have not gotten there yet because it is okay to not be okay. I learned that at a very young age and I try to keep that in mind with most things I do that are negative in nature. I keep that in mind with most things done to me that are negative in nature too. We are all going through something, it is not an excuse to act a fool but I like to think that when someone is an absolute horror and a scoundrel to me, there is more afoot. I can think of a Christmas or two in my teenage years through my twenties where the holiday season is here and I was not in the mind space to be around anyone else. When I was younger and required to grin and bear it, I played the part. When I got a bit older and I could be a lot more autonomous with my actions, I kept my distance. I have had a Christmas holiday where I did not see another human being for the whole day and that was what I needed in that moment. That time is the toughest time for me because at the end of the day, my dad died on the 20th of December. Christmas is the 25th of December and on the 24th of December, on Christmas Eve, is when he was buried.

I will get to therapy soon, it is on my list of things to do before I turn 40 and I know someone will read or listen to ‘Fitness’ and keep me honest. My family and friends play a huge role in further accountability in my life and I respect them for that knowing my head could be the hardest when I ready.

It was not planned but this episode is coming out 2 or 3 days after I started the gym. I am in physical pain, I am suffering but my knees decide to make running sports at a pace I love almost impossible so here I am… in the gym… and hating it. Again, I’m super grateful for my boy Jamal putting up with me as we go to the gym together. The kid gloves are not on for sure but I am rocking with the kid weights and accepting all scoffs from the demographics of gym goers that expect to find 7.5 and 10 lbs for them so they can do their curls. Sorry citizens of the gym, I have confiscated everything lighter for my personal gain. That is the only gains I expect to see but doing something is better than doing nothing at all. I am going to stay as consistent and continue to daydream about a time in my life when my knees catch a second wind and I can run like the wind.

The next episode will be a podcast hosted by Ashley Long.

Cheers for listening and stay ever blessed, Family.