FORTY TO 40
Forty to 40 is a Blog & Podcast Hybrid Project looking back, living in the now and pondering on the future as Raymond Nurse turns 40. Each blog or podcast episode will feature topics beginning with ‘F’ such as ‘Foundation’, ‘Family’, ‘Financials’ and ‘Frenemies’ and much much more.
13/40 - F̶U̶E̶L̶ FAMILIARITY
For ‘First Five’ today, I wanted to ease back on Fairness once more. I had a moment while on site last week that reminded me a bit of what I tried to politely cover a few episodes back. This ‘First Five’ won’t be as polite. My sense of belonging and many other things were questioned by this random white man with a sausage dog in the suburbs earlier in the week. I will roast him fully in 35/40 - Familiarity. Actually, I am going to flip the script, take an executive decision and change this episode from FUEL to Familiarity. This one is just for you C.H.A.D (Caucasian. Human. Ahh. Danger)
Familiarity comes in many flavors. Today, I will focus on 3 of them.
- The Good
- The Bad
- The Indifferent
The Good
Our traditions, holidays and customs are the first thoughts that come to my mind when I think about ‘The Good’. I can choose from many memories around the holidays where the familiar made it all the better. The knowns were plentiful. I knew Christmas morning service was at 5am. An Ungodly hour for a Godly celebration of the Big Man Upstairs. I knew after service, there would be a mad rush to head down to my house as we didn’t have much but we had enough somehow for my Mumma to have a huge breakfast with friends and family. Another known was you better keep full focus on your plate if you aren’t wolfing down the food since the biggest food tiefs were the young fellas that attended Dalkeith Methodist with me. I would be whisked away to my Dad’s side of the family for a holiday lunch with plenty games, a gift exchange and some shenanigans. Familiarity is real nice when cruising down the highway in ‘The Good’.
At different ages, these traditions and customs would shift based on where I lived and who was around me at the time. One of those during my undergraduate days for instance was going hard and partying until the wee hours of the morning. We (The Bajans Boys at Utech) discovered a Burger King breakfast. I have fond memories of rising the sun after a night on the town and walking through the BK drive-thru to try to order breakfast. Some libations might or might not have been involved and it always made for a pretty good time.
As the summer holiday is soon going to be in full effect, end of school was large in both Primary and Secondary school for me. There was now a chance to wear your own clothes as we are very uniform centric in Barbados. This was our moment to dabble in style and fashion and run wild and crazy all over the school grounds as the more casual setting was a precursor to summer and an apt reward for a job well done during the school term.
Positive experiences leave us all in better moods for sure. Nostalgia of ‘The Good’ can anchor one and motivate more through tough times. This thing called life isn’t perfect by any stretch but I am fortunate to have had a whole heap of good in storage like blubber on a whale cause whoo whee… it keeps me balanced for the horrors and savagery that I’ve come to experience thus far.
The Bad
I sadly have a Rolodex of ‘bad’ where ‘Familiarity’ is concerned. ‘Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready’ is the adage many subscribe to while being around me. C.H.A.D is a subset of many. This rasshole man only come to upset my spirits the other day. I see him at the 2nd of 9 townhouses I was documenting for work. Something inside me tell me don’t go round this man and he sausage dog and something was right. I stayed a good 24 odd feet from him, took my camera out and framed the shot I wanted to take of Townhouse #2. C.H.A.D was smack dab in the middle of Townhouse #2 and as with most instances like this, I would wait a bit to try to get the person’s attention, until they back the camera or exit the shot. As C.H.A.D lingered slightly since his weiner dog was doing weiner dog things, I started to bring the camera down since it might be a while.
C.H.A.D fully activate and thought he was staying ready so he didn’t have to get ready…
C.H.A.D (clearly annoyed and out to all at this point shout) - Did you just take a picture of me?
Friendly Neighborhood Raymond - No, I did not take a picture of you.
C.H.A.D (about to blow all he gaskets) What are you doing?
Trying to stay Friendly Neighbourhood Raymond - My job
I am thinking at this point that this conversation should have ended at Friendly Neighborhood Raymond - No, I did not take a picture of you. I was similarly thinking the conversation should not have started in the first place and definitely it should not started in this manner. Sad fact is that C.H.A.D and many like him are too familiar with people of my ‘standing’ being ‘lower’ than him and definitely not standing up to him. When the dust had settled, C.H.A.D saw I was not backing down and retreated to the original position he was standing in and turned his back to my camera as I took the photo I was there to capture in the first place for work. All of the runaround to be right where he started, I had a job to do and C.H.A.D had a hot dog to walk. When ‘Familiarity’ is centered on The Bad, it rarely benefits any of us and puts us no further forward than C.H.A.D that day in the Villages, Florida.
Perspective is definitely relative where ‘Familiarity’ is concerned. Take the police for instance. I try not to ‘feed’ the tropes that exist around law enforcement but the reality, my reality, is the protect and serve does not feel geared towards me as their familiar sees me as Public Enemy #1. To this point in my life, I have had 3 guns pointed at me in life by the Police. All 3 times were for the most innocuous things. Let me drop my ‘rap’ sheet so that a person is positively familiar with the Police and thinking they would not point a gun at you if you were not doing anything wrong can understand their ‘Familiarity’ with me.
Activity Number 1 - Walking by an ATM with my head down while not noticing a money top-up was ongoing. That time was the shotgun…
’Ya too close, young boy’…
Activity Number 2 - Walking home from a party around 3 or 4 in the morning. Two fellas in ‘that side of town’ sporting locs was certainly cause enough for concern. The Police in this instance pulled up alongside us and this was the first time I even knew that the police vehicles had these blinding spotlights at the sides of the light on the top of the car…
’Where ya all coming from?…
A party…
’Where ya all living?…
55 Palmetto Ave and I can’t remember where Jah was living at the time but that is how it played out while he had a, it look like it was I guess a AK or some automatic rifle and he had it kotch under his hand and pointed at me while he was asking the questions…
Activity Number 3 - Driving through a curfew area to go copy some video games. This one I would say makes the most sense as the Defense Force chap was well within his rights to do that. He only pointed the gun at me out of the 4 persons in the car and emptied the vehicle after I spoke so something about me must have triggered him to position the gun in a familiar way…
’Oh ho, come out de car’…
Within 24 hours of Activity Number 3 in a different country, an undercover Policeman stepped to me while I waited for my luggage at the airport carousel…
’Royal Barbados Police Force Undercover, where you coming from?‘
sigh Jamaica…
’Oh ho, anybody give you anything to bring in or you have anything I should’…
I cut him short with this question…
’Officer, tell me something. Why is it that in 2 different countries in less than 24 hours, 2 different sets of Police step to me for one reason or the other, I look like a criminal or something so to you?…
’Well… well… it is good to have Police around you ya know’…
’Not like this, you have a good day alright’ was what I said to him as I walked away putting the kind of distance I put between me and C.H.A.D that day in Villages, Florida.
I continue to put that kinda distance every chance I get when the ‘Familiarity’ feels Bad yet it actively and passively appears most days like it seeks me out.
The Indifferent
There is a ‘Familiarity’ that is even more hazardous than The Bad. That is the ‘Familiarity’ of indifference. The Bad might focus on the negative aspects of life and there is no Good in that but The Indifferent simply does not care. This level brings us to a place of fan favorites like ‘Do as I say and not as I do’ and ‘All lives matter’. The callous approach to life and how others live it is the most dangerous of ‘Familiarity’.
It has become way too easy to non-chalantly fuse the life lived by others with policy to emerge with something hurtful, and blatantly designed to bring down or keep down others. This aspect of the familiar is too pervasive in so many arenas from the rights of women to which target has a ‘war’ waged against them. In this one, ‘war’ is used as loosely as possible since it is truly an exercise in life and how much value is placed on a life based on origin, history, appearance, religion or whichever metric is used to justify the unjustifiable.
At day’s end, something need not be familiar to be treasured or valued. It should not swing to the other end of the spectrum and be fetishized or held in an abnormally high regard. There is an indifference in ‘Familiarity’ that is a lane I traipse down. I would best describe it as an indifference based on a fun term I learned from watching football;
Mia San Mia… We are who we are.
What I love about the phrase outside of how short it is, is how it manages to repeat a word and would look awesome printed on merchandise or in the media is the air of indifference within it. 3 words succinctly convey the message that ‘We are who we are’. It also goes on in the way I interpret it at least to state a bit more.
Mia San Mia… We are who we are… and that is okay.
That ‘Familiarity’ of potentially being unfamiliar, unwilling to learn further yet still allowing someone to be who they are and be okay with it is the indifference of sorts that I live my life. There is the Good, the Bad and the Indifferent but even in the Indifferent, Mia San Mia. Some will look at it and think that is a horrible way to live and it might resonate with others and either thought process is welcome here.
How we perceive life and how we and others live it comes down to our ‘Familiarity’. Try not to mash too many toes or walk on eggshells as you figure out what that looks like for you. Remember that the lived experience of others will skew how familiar they are with you and that is okay.
Manners and Respect Family.
The next episode will be a podcast hosted by Ashley Long.
Cheers for listening and stay ever blessed, Family.